I am Disciplinarian but “Cool” Daddy!
Family picture
When I was young:
I still remember the days when I would buy Parenting books before my first child was born. When I decided to take care of lovebirds, I would also buy books about lovebirds. It has been my way of learning. Books coupled with research and by asking other people’s personal experiences on matter that interest me.
I would buy cassette tapes of nursery rhyme and children stories, encyclopedia and other educational toys for them in preparation for their schooling. I would buy them toys that I myself never have the chance to play when I was a kid. I always wanted to buy for them what I think they would need later on. I decided for them. These last two sentences is my greatest mistake as I realize and I would tell you later.
Those were the Days:
When they were young, I have to spank them when I think it is necessary but I have to explain to them the reason why. When we have a visitor and they are not behaving well, one look at them and they know what I wanted them to do is to be quite. I am strict and disciplinarian as what my Chinese father showed us. I decided what I think is good for my family.
The Awakening:
One time when two of my daughters were already in high school my wife and me had a misunderstanding about decision-making. Right there, like a bubble bursting with anger she told me what she and our children felt. Yes I would ask for their opinion but I never listen to them. My ego was crushed like a castle being flattened after being hit by Intensity 7 quake. I was dumbfounded. But it opened up my mind to the realization that my children are not happy as I expected them to be. My parenting technique is an old fashioned traditional style “where father knows best”.
Now I know:
I think I have evolved and could call myself a thinking Daddy. I have adjusted my style of dealing with my children as I grow older and as they were too. I have learned a lot also from my wife and my kids. I am a disciplinarian but cool daddy as my children would tell me. I act now more as a friend than a daddy I used to be.
Parenting for me is like traveling in a two way street. We must listen and give way to other as much as we wanted to be given way. Like a pedestrian, you have to stop, look and listen before making your final move to cross the street.
As the saying goes “There is no such thing as right or wrong but thinking made it so”. If my style of parenting is good or bad, only time could tell. But for now I enjoy every minute of being a “Cool” daddy.
What’s your style of Parenting?
Please see my earlier post: To My Children
This is my official entry to PPBC 6 hosted by Guardian Angel : What type of Parent are you?
By the way, this carnival has been started by Doc Joey who we can also call The Working Mom.
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Tags: Blog Carnival, Cool, Daddy, Disciplinarian, Parenting
July 23rd, 2008 at 10:31 pm
As an experienced father, you humbly admitted your mistakes and corrected them religiously, and that is what is more important. I salute you for that, partner!
I am still working out for my entry and may post it on my WP blog soon.
By the way, I think you forgot to include a link to your entry on your comment on my invitation post as I was led to your homepage only. I will still accept your entry though.
Thanks for joining.
Angel Cuala
aka Guardian Angel
July 24th, 2008 at 6:47 am
Angel - Sorry my friend. I think I tired using the html code in giving the link. Got to learn more. hehehe
July 24th, 2008 at 7:41 am
nice post. I like what you wrote on “The Awakening”… I’m glad that I have an open minded parents. My grand dad was so strict and disciplinarian with my mom that made her elope with my dad. From that time, they instilled in their mind that they’re not gonna do the same treatment with me. I never got spanked in my entire life from them but I was never a headache from them too.
July 25th, 2008 at 5:31 am
When I was a child into my teens, I was spanked often. When I was spanked it was with a lot of anger. It scared me sometimes. When I got smarter I would run as fast as I could and come back later when Dad had cooled down. Yes, I was usually deserving of some kind of discipline when it came but later in life I learned that to discipline in anger is really not discipline for the good of the child and the good of the child should be the goal of discipline in my opinion. We want our children to grow up into responsible , respectful adults who have good character qualities but that means that we have to be disciplined in our approach to them. I agree that it’s not good to be so overbearing and not taking what the other family members are saying seriously but on the other hand I am not trying to be popular with my kids. They need to learn respect for proper authority. Somewhere there is a balance. Very good post . I appreciate your honesty . I also have made mistakes as a Dad and have found that if I will admit that I am wrong to my kids and wife when I become aware of them and not be prideful then there is forgiveness and close relationship again.
July 25th, 2008 at 10:36 am
Jean - thank you for sharing your story.It is really great to know the parenting style of other people.
RogerDJ - Hello there! Nice to hear your story as well. In my case, I was never spanked by my parents but my brother and bother-in-law. You are right in saying that “to discipline in anger is really not discipline for the good of the child.” That is why I always tried to think deeply before reacting to any problem or situation my children are having.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:18 pm
I must say a thought provoking post. We sometimes have to be “awakened ” by our love ones before we can see what’s wrong with us. Being with a supportive family is a good start. Thanks for sharing.
August 29th, 2008 at 5:05 am
Hi, Mon. Thank you for sharing your story. I realize that as parents, we should also evolve as our children reach different stages.
August 30th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
[...] In our family, I am the disciplinarian as what I written here: I am a disciplinarian but “cool” Daddy! [...]